Lost and Renew


I’ve been thinking about how this is the hardest comeback that I’m about to make, but nevertheless, here I am. All typing and (almost) happy again.

Talking about happy though, I hope everyone’s been having a happy new year so far. Well, we’re almost a month into it now. I think I’m getting the hang of how our dear time is always in a rush. I’m not complaining anymore.

My new year resolution: take a deep breath and just go with it.

My title probably sounds a little dramatic but the last few months of my life has been a bit affecting for me. One of the main reasons being: depression.

Up until today, I’m still not convinced that I could tell everyone about it, but I did tell someone (or else, I would have gone mad keeping everything to myself).  It was my first time – after twenty seven years of my life – depression struck me hard and it was horrible. Absolutely horrible. I tried to keep myself busy but nothing worked. I didn’t want to talk or see anyone at first.

Until the last few days of November last year, I decided to go to London.


I started seeing and meeting other people. I took pictures. I posted things on Instagram. Once again, I tried keeping myself busy and eventually, I pushed myself through it. There were times when I still cried at nights, but thankfully, I fought through it.

To the people who had been through depression know that it’s not an easy subject to talk about. To the people who has never been through it would not understand. So, if you have a friend who’s been going through a depression, you can’t simply tell them you know how they’re feeling. Because believe it or not, you don’t. Depression is on another whole level of personal. It’s highly and solely the affected person’s prerogative. Though if you truly love them, keep on showering them with positive things and most of all, don’t ever give up on them.

Thank you for reading this post.
May you have happy thoughts always,


  1. Mary Kate January 29, 2018 / 6:25 pm

    You are so brave for writing a post like this. It’s hard enough to talk about depression to one or two close people, but to write so openly about it for the whole world takes a whole new level of strength.

    I’m glad you are feeling better and I wish you all the best for 2018 xx

    • captaineverland February 7, 2018 / 8:47 pm

      I thought I should let it out rather than bottling it in. Thank you hun xx

  2. jennyinneverland January 30, 2018 / 10:34 am

    Awh Ain well done for sharing how you’ve been feeling, that’s not always easy. I hope you’re in a better mental space at the moment, I think just breathing and going with the flow is a great way to treat the New Year. I hate London but your photos are absolutely stunning! xxx

    • captaineverland February 7, 2018 / 8:49 pm

      Yes, I’m feeling better nowadays thankfully. Thank you Jenny xx

  3. Krystal February 13, 2018 / 9:59 pm

    Thank you for being so open about your depression. I understand it’s really hard and I am too going through it. I hope you get to feel better soon. Keep trying and I’m sure you can fight it 🙂


    • captaineverland February 13, 2018 / 10:35 pm

      Hi, Krystal. Thank you so much, I am actually feeling much better nowadays. And you too, I hope you can fight it and feel much much better soon! Do try to keep yourself (physically especially) busy always. You can do it! Sending you lots of love x

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